Dreams

It's not easy, this business of being attached.
You live your own life, then another to,
from their perspective, the things they do,
feigning care for every little scratch.

To be 'in love' is a heavy heavy price,
your dreams are fucked, they aren't in-line
with the house, the kids, the car. Instead,
you get by on an hour a day

Looking out the window
At a distance of fifteen years.

Leave Taking

I took the train from York,
'12:30 one way please' - the ticket seller nods
and busy's herself with machines.
'Sign here' she pushes through a half biro

Serrated edges broken ridges:
I sign my name and get the train.
We pull out slowly - an inaudible
message is read by the guard

'Leeds at 13:00 next stop Leeds'
as the train gets up speed through the City.
It's not pleasant, travel. People
sit in silent misery

avoiding eyes, too frightened to laugh.
Miles pour by - trees sat by stone walls
Isolated in the bleak pennine hills
squatting against the ferocious wet wind.

Funny how it is, here. Kids are balling
and mums are diffidently patting their cheeks,
youths are sniggering at some empty jibe
and the ticket inspector gets though his job.

All of them huddled trees in the storm.

The Recession Of Dead End Job or, the Recession Hit Undertakers

There aren't the bodies like there used to be. Five foot six, look! Ah, back when I was a boy being fitted into coffins by my dear old undertaking dad, he would say "snug?" and before I could whisper a sound booooooooomph! Lid closed and laugh he would, as I as very tall as a boy. Eight foot three then I lost my knees in the war.

Which war?

The war of wounded knee.

Wounded knee? That was a battle

A battle yes, but part two made it a war.

Wars were shorter then.

Like people. People used to be shorter.

I thought they were taller?

Only when kneeling down.

Light Fades

All light fades,
at the end of what was meant to be an eternal day.
You turned, and said 'will this always be true?
This love for me and you?'
I wished it was - us before the great presence,
young, clean limbed and pure,
our meeting the cause of resonance
in hearts less sure and minds less pure,
before this going moment.

'Whats right for us is right for all!'
You exclaimed from the moss strewn rock,
'love is new and love is old,
love is ours at bec and call!'

And the wind howled around us.

The rock doesn't judge,
but the rock says nothing at all,
the rock cares not
nor the wind that howled around.

Stood here now I hear nothing.
The moss has grown, and the rock, some cracks
have etched along it's sides.
The granite doesn't love
but the granite doesn't die,
All light fades.

South Africa Win World Cup

SOUTH AFRICA the indomitable champions of rugby last night celebrated beating a bunch of aged pensioners from England. “We couldn’t have done what we did without the England Coach. His choice of 15 geriatric men from various retirement homes they laughably call rugby clubs, helped us run rings round them” said star Bryan Habana. “I mean Lawrence Dallaglio suffered two mild heart attacks in the second half, he’s that old.”

“They were nearly all older than me” said President Thabo Mbeki. “When you get right down to it, I could have run pass most of the England team. Personally I think Brian Ashton indulged in a spot of grave robbing for the team we beat.”

We traced Brian Ashton down to his Residential Home for Aged Rugby Players (sometimes known as Twickenham) for his view on losing the World Cup. “Experience is what you need to win. I don’t know what went wrong. My team had tons of it. I tried selecting William Webb Ellis but apparently he is dead.” Rumours that Andrew Sheridan had been brought back from the dead to play rugby union were quashed as he stated “I was brought back from rugby league” which is much the same thing according to many union enthusiasts.

“South Africa could beat any team in the world, as long as they are all over 60, come from England, and don’t try and win” said an ecstatic Os Du Randt.
South Africa went on to win the match 16 to 5(strokes).

Ode To An Egg McMuffin

There ain’t nothing like a McMuffin,
An egg one is the best.
But Egg McMuffin’s don’t come for free,
They grow on no known tree

No! They run free on the Serenghetti,
Where they eat spaghetti
And are mown down by Ronald McDonald
When they turn eighteen.

Oh free the Egg McMuffins!
Can’t you see their pain?
They suffer in the Drive thru’,
They suffer on the trays

But one of these days
The Egg McMuffin
Will come at you all crazed!

A Bacon Sandwich Song

Oh Bacon Sandwich you're devine
you make me hungry all the time,
with ketchup you're delightful
and thick bread slices,such a mouthful

Oh bacon sandwich won't you be mine,
I want to eat you all the time,
maybe with an egg or two who knows?
I'd rather have you than a date
If it wasn't wrong I'd masturbate!