Rebuilding Iraq

INT. NEWSDESK. DAY

NEWS PRESENTOR SAT AT DESK. WE CATCH HIM HALF WAY THROUGH A SENTENCE.

NP: …which is why Chelsea have one the league on expenditure. We’ll catch up on today’s sport later, but now over to Tosh McDonald in Baghdad.

EXT. BAGHDAD. DAY.

A LARGE BUILDING IS SOME DISTANCE BEHIND THE COL.

A BRITISH COL. (BC) IS BEING INTERVIEWED BY TOSH MCDONALD (TC) NEWS PRESENTOR.

TC: Thank you Colonel Blakely for giving us this chance to meet you in what must be a busy time for the British Armed Forces in Iraq.

BC: Sorry, was that a question?

TC: Well, not as such. Colonel, many people in the press and in the public are questioning whether the rebuilding of Iraq is meeting with any success.

BC: I’m not following you Tish…

TC: Tosh

BC: … Tosh that’s what I said. Was that a question?

TC: Well, no, but would you like to comment on the rebuilding of Iraq and how you see it going?

BC: Well Tiff,

TC: Tosh

BC: Tosh, we’ve been here for many years now, and I think it’s an excellent time to start rebuilding.

TC: Yes, it’s about the rebuilding that’s happened that we the public would like to know about from you Colonel, as you are in the field seeing it happening.

BC: Am I? Yes, well I suppose I am somewhat closer than the people back home as it were so I do see some building going on.

TC: So are we the Allies making headway against the wave of terrorist attacks and implanting an infrastructure, in the face of what many are saying is turning into a civil war?

THE BUILDING BEHIND THE COL. BLOWS UP.

TC : Christ!

SCREAMS AND SHOUTS ECHO FROM THE BUILDING AND SURROUNDING AREA.

THE COL. REMAINS UNMOVED AND SMILING.

TC: A terrorist attack! We should move out of the area. This doesn’t look safe.

BC: Terrorist attack?

THE COL. LOOKS BEHIND BRIEFLY

BC: Oh! I see the confusion

TC: Confusion?!

BC: Yes well, some of the locals are a bit sick and tired of waiting for the rebuilding to start

TC: Meaning?

BC: They lend a hand

TC: Lend a hand?!

BC: You know, with the demolition and the ‘blowing of things up’, as it were. You can’t rebuild unless there’s something destroyed now can you?

TC: Surely Colonel you’re not suggesting that what happened just now was a controlled demolition?

BC: Well, not controlled as such, but it’s ever so hard to communicate when the infrastructure isn’t in place for a cohesive amalgamation of resources and expenditure.

TC: Meaning?

BC: Well, we don’t speak their language.

TC: You can’t be serious

BC: Perfectly serious. We’ve tried asking them to blow up specific things, but they seem to have taken too many lessons from our American Allies and just go ahead and knock down whatever looks out of place.

AN ANGRY MOB OF IRAQI’S ARE SURGING TOWARDS THE INTERVIEW, WAILING.

TC: I think we should leave now

BC: Leave? Just as the training is about to start?

TC: Training? Oh sod this, let’s get going!

THE CAMERA CREW AND TC MOVE OFF BUT KEEP THE COLONEL IN PICTURE.

BC (SHOUTING): We’re training their army! They haven’t quite got the hang of not shooting at us, but I think it’s just the language problem!