SOUTH AFRICA the indomitable champions of rugby last night celebrated beating a bunch of aged pensioners from England. “We couldn’t have done what we did without the England Coach. His choice of 15 geriatric men from various retirement homes they laughably call rugby clubs, helped us run rings round them” said star Bryan Habana. “I mean Lawrence Dallaglio suffered two mild heart attacks in the second half, he’s that old.”
“They were nearly all older than me” said President Thabo Mbeki. “When you get right down to it, I could have run pass most of the England team. Personally I think Brian Ashton indulged in a spot of grave robbing for the team we beat.”
We traced Brian Ashton down to his Residential Home for Aged Rugby Players (sometimes known as Twickenham) for his view on losing the World Cup. “Experience is what you need to win. I don’t know what went wrong. My team had tons of it. I tried selecting William Webb Ellis but apparently he is dead.” Rumours that Andrew Sheridan had been brought back from the dead to play rugby union were quashed as he stated “I was brought back from rugby league” which is much the same thing according to many union enthusiasts.
“South Africa could beat any team in the world, as long as they are all over 60, come from England, and don’t try and win” said an ecstatic Os Du Randt.
South Africa went on to win the match 16 to 5(strokes).
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