Stewart's Diary

I've been keeping a diary for my friend.

I think I need to record for posterity how evil Stewart is.


27/11/2007

Day one: Stewart is going to Seville to watch football. He tries to hide the real reason for going, but all his friends know he's going to perv at men in shorts. Stew admitted that he has no time for his friends anymore. It could be because he has AIDS. Stewart incited me to call a work colleague a tramp. Now I have an enemy in the office who tells me to fuck off. I shouldn’t listen to Stewart but I feel obliged to because he has herpes.


28/11/2007

Day Two: Stewart is adamant him and jesus are the same. He sent me a picture of a T-Shirt saying Jesus is gay to point out the similarity. I think Stewart would be much happier if he came out of the closet and admitted his religion. He sent me a list of his favourite things today:

Stewart CS: cheese
Stewart CS: poo
Stewart CS: weeeeee

He also admitted that he doesn’t get paid enough or frequently when he said “Stewart CS: i hope we get paid before xmas again this year” as he hasn’t been paid since February and has to eat on peoples charity.


29/11/2007

Day Three: Stewart hasn't mailed me yet - the depression caused by the lack of money and having Bad AIDS must have made him even more ill. Poor Stewart, if only someone would give him the break he deserves he could a decent job rather than having to whore himself out to these mysterious events in Tel Aviv, Birmingham and Munich.

Stewart sent me an e-mail, immediately showing his schizophrenic problems by telling me

Stewart GIBCS: mate i am a legend

And he proceeded to continue to claim he is better than Jesus by calling one of His miracles a trick

Stewart GIBCS: not like a water into wine trick

Stewart also told me he wants to write philosophy. However, his intentions are mis-aimed as he told me he is

Stewart GIBCS: contemplating the steak in the fridge.


30/11/2007

Day Four: Stewart phoned me and the first word he said was "gay". Maybe he thinks I'm a bit slow, but his hints that he might bat for the other side are blatantly obvious. Stewart’s favourite past-time is knitting. He collects GoodFood magazine – need I say more?


20/10/08

Stew is trying to change me. I pity the fool for his BAD AID's as it makes him take up pointless quests. Today Stew winked at me four times and blew two kisses. I have two witnesses. HE MUST BE STOPPED!!!!!